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Hockey Puck
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This is the official site
of the National Association for the Prevention of Abuse to Hockey Pucks. We,
at NAPAHP feel it's about time that someone stood up for the lowly hockey
puck. For years hockey pucks have been battered, tortured, banged around, maltreated
and yes, even ridiculed, causing these inoffensive rubber disks to suffer incredible
amounts of trauma, anguish and pain. If you've ever participated in, or been to a hockey game
(or even seen one on TV) you will have witnessed the incredible brutality and
unspeakable horrors that a hockey puck must endure during the course of the game. The constant banging, thumping, and pummeling that
these vulcanized warriors sustain as they are are batted from one end of the rink to the
other is savage and merciless. Yet, as the crowd cheers on the
furious action that unfolds before them... no one seems to care about the traumatic effect
that all this brutality is having on the hockey puck... well, we do!
Hockey puck abuse is a sickness that has pervaded the very
core of our society. It has reached epidemic proportions and is international
in scope. We're doing our best to put a stop to it! Our work is never
ending. Our cause is just and righteous. And we invite you to join us in our
crusade.
Hockey Puck Abuse -
What it's all About:
Can you imagine the trauma a hockey puck goes through during the course of a
typical hockey game? After nearly being frozen to death in a cold bucket of ice
before the event begins, the hapless puck is then thrown onto the ice surface only to be
clobbered by some big lout brandishing a hockey stick - This causes the unfortunate
rubber disk to travel through the air at speeds up to 120 mph before coming to a dead stop
as it smashes against the wooden side boards of the rink, a glass partition, a goalpost,
or the goaltender's stick or face mask! Can you imagine the agony!.. the
torture!.. the astounding brutality of it all! This procedure is repeated time
and time again throughout the game as the ill-fated puck is passed from player to
player, and then shot at the goal at frightening speeds. The puck itself is secretly
hoping to land in the goal net, to feel it's yielding softness, or else encounter the
cushioned surface of the goaltenders pads or the sanctuary of the goaltenders catching
glove, but more times than not coming to dead stop against a hard unyielding
surface! |
| It's not a pretty picture. It amazes us
at NAPAHP, that a so-called civilized society like ours lets this madness
go on... yet it does - but wait there's more... |
There's The Mental
Abuse!
Hockey pucks not only suffer physical abuse, they suffer
incredible mental abuse as well. For years hockey pucks have been the butt of
numerous jokes. Comedian Don Rickles made himself famous by using the
hockey puck as an insult, representing stupidity, dullness, lack of substance. The
degradation and abuse the typical hockey puck has to endure, both mentally and physically
is astonishing... and outrageous!
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What
can you do to help stop hockey puck abuse? - You can Give a Hockey Puck a Home!
Here at NAPAHP we run a refuge for abused hockey pucks.
Hockey pucks from all over the world have come here to rest up and try to get over the
trauma they've been through. We provide these pucks with a loving atmosphere and
give them counseling and a place to relax. No, it ain't fancy, but damn it, it's
a place they can call home!In addition to our abused pucks (which are all resting quite comfortably
at the moment) we now have, residing in our refuge - a limited number of unused
hockey pucks that are available for adoption. These pucks are in
pristine condition and come complete with a Certificate of Adoption.
As a condition of adoption you must promise never to abuse or harm them in any way.
These pucks come in a handsome
plastic holder - which consists of a crystal clear globe (in which the puck lives) sitting
on a gold pedestal - and in addition
to the Certificate of Adoption (which is imprinted on the back of each puck) you get
an Instruction Sheet which tells you how to care for your hockey
puck. You can display these pucks on your mantle or desk... you can show them
proudly to your friends... and know you've done your part to stop hockey puck abuse. You
can save a hockey puck from a life of torture and abuse by adopting it now. |
What do You do
With Your Hockey Puck?
When you get your hockey puck, take it out of its holder
periodically and cradle it in your hands, stroke it, run your fingers over the puck, get a
feel for it. Have a tactile experience with your hockey puck, you won't
regret it. It's amazing at the number of people who have never even held a
hockey puck. A hockey puck fits comfortably in your hand... it's solid, firm,
reliable - something you can hold on to. Something you can count on in these
troubled times.Hockey
pucks love to be held and fondled. Contrary to popular belief, hockey pucks
do not like the cold. Keep your hockey puck warm and safe. Take it out of its
box or holder from time to time, caress it in your hands, and stroke it... you'll be glad
you did.
Just like a goaltender makes a great save -
you too can make a great save - you can save a hockey puck from a lifetime of
abuse and torture. You can do your part to Stop Hockey Puck Abuse by
adopting a hockey puck from NAPAHP. You won't regret it.
Click here to begin the Adoption Process
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Click Here To Learn How You Can Help
Spread The Word That Hockey Puck
Abuse Is Wrong!... And For Tips On Hockey Puck Care.
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 Know Your Hockey Puck
History
We can trace the origin of the modern hockey puck back to 1872. Up
until that time early day hockey enthusiasts would use a knot of wood, or possibly a small
carved stone, or even a piece of frozen cow dung to bat around on the ice. But in
1872 some unnamed sadist invented the rubber hockey puck. (The word puck supposedly
originated in the 17th century from a French verb that means "to poke" - which
is just a mild description of what the average hockey puck actually goes through.)
Ever since then the hockey puck has been subjected to horrendous abuse and torture. Hockey pucks have been part of some of the greatest
moments in hockey history, but of course get no credit for this... The Montreal Canadien's
five consecutive Stanley Cup wins from 1956 to 1960... Team Canada's 1972 victory over the
Soviets in the Summit series... Team USA's "Miracle On Ice" Olympic victory over
Russia in 1980 ... Obviously none of these events would have even been possible
without the hockey puck... And all the great hockey players throughout history - Gretzky -
Richard - Hull, etc. would never have been able to achieve the fame and fortune they
enjoyed without the humble hockey puck - but do we ever hear them praising the unassuming
rubber disk that they spent most of their lives banging and battering around? I
think not! This is another typical
example of the oppression that hockey pucks face on a daily basis.
The modern hockey puck is made of vulcanized rubber, is
1-inch thick and 3-inches in diameter. It weighs between 5-1/2 and 6 ounces.
Pucks are always frozen before games to reduce their bounce on the ice
surface. During the game they are kept in a bucket of ice as they wait their turn to
be be thrown onto the ice surface and have the living daylights beaten out of them. |
 Exposed - The Hockey Hall of Fame? - It's More Like the Hockey Hall
of Shame!
Click Here to Find Out the Shocking Truth!
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How would you
like to be referred to as "it" all the time?
Did you ever hear a hockey play-by-play announcer
calling a game? These guys show absolutely no respect for the puck... They are constantly
referring to the puck as "it"... "He shoots it
at the net"... "It bounces off the boards"... "He
passes it over to the left wing"... and on and on!!! Hey you
dummies, "it" has a name - and that name is PUCK! Why don't you try: "He shoots the PUCK
at the net"... "The PUCK bounces off the boards",
etc. This constant verbal abuse is part of the humiliation that a hockey puck goes
through... and helps to point out the fact that hockey pucks endure mental abuse
as well as physical abuse. |
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Did You Hear About The Brave
Little Hockey Puck That Went to War?
Click Here to Find Out More! |
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"Will
This Torture Ever End?" - The Anguished Cries of a Hockey Puck!
We strapped a miniature microphone onto a hockey puck  and recorded the actual
sounds that it made during a real hockey game - These are sounds that hockey fans
and players never get to hear! Needless to say, we were shocked and disgusted
when we heard the woeful cries that came from this poor defenseless rubber disk. And
now for the first time anywhere we present these sounds to you.Here is the actual transcript:
"Oh No!" - Whap - "Oohh!" - Wham
- "Help!" - Bang - "Oh no, I'm heading straight for that
goalpost!" - Wham - "Oohh!" - Whap -
"Oh my God, he's winding up for a slap shot!" - Crash -
EXPLETIVE DELETED - Bam - "Help, I'm being murdered here!" - Bang
- "Oh, no!" - Slam - "I can't take much more!"
- Wham - "Help!" - Smash - EXPLETIVE DELETED -
Bonk - "Have mercy!" - Bang - "Oh No!" - Whap
- "Oohh!" - Crash- "Whoa Nellie!" - Bam
- "Argh" - Slam - "Will this torture ever end?"
And the tape goes on and on with more of
the same agonizing sounds as the helpless puck is tortured and abused. |
 A Hockey Puck's Tale - Now you can read the
Biography of a Hockey Puck
Click Here
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 Obituary:
Peter Puck R.I.P
We are sorry to report that Peter Puck passed away recently after a long and tragic life.
Mr. Puck is survived by his wife Patricia and their three offspring, Paul, Pedro,
and Pricilla. Services are pending.
Puck spent his younger years being battered
and bruised on various hockey rinks across the land, a typical existence for hockey pucks
of his generation. In 1974 he was catapulted into national prominence when NBC hired
Puck to help promote their television broadcasts of National Hockey League games in the
United States. Unfortunately the NBC hockey telecasts were a failure, so after a
brief moment in the national spotlight Puck's television career was over in the U.S.
He then made several appearances on Canadian television, but that soon ended and Puck
subsequently endured many years of unemployment.
During this period he became an outspoken
advocate for hockey pucks rights. He traveled from coast to coast giving lectures on
the subject, but his pleas generally fell on deaf years. Towards the end of his life
Mr. Puck, who was never the same after his fling at superstardom, spent most of his time
wandering from one hockey rink to another, and began hitting the
bottle. Apparently the memories of his celebrity status as well those of the
battering he took as a young puck all seemed to catch up with him and Mr. Puck became yet
another tragic victim of hockey puck abuse. |
Hockey Puck Abuse starts with a Slap Shot... and then
one leads to another... and another... and another...
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 The Fox Trax
Puck - An Experiment in High Tech Terror!
In 1996 the Fox Television Network devised a new form of hockey puck torture (as
if there weren't already enough traditional methods to torment these poor inoffensive
rubber disks!). The brain trust at Fox apparently assumed that television viewers
weren't bright enough to follow the puck as it careened around the hockey rink so they
came up with a computerized puck that took on a glow when it appeared on the TV screen.
This puck developed a comet like tail which was blue until it reached 65 miles per
hour, at which point it turned red.
The Fox Trax Puck was actually a regular hockey puck that had been sliced in half then
partially hollowed out so that a miniature circuit board and a series of diodes could be
installed inside. The puck was then glued back together and put into play.
Sensors installed above the hockey rink kept track of the puck's movements. These
sensors then fed this information to computers which created the Fox Trax effects that you
saw on your TV screen.
Now, how would you like to be sliced in half, have a bunch of electronics stuffed inside
you, and then be glued back together and subsequently be batted around a hockey rink at
speeds up to 120 miles per hour???... I didn't think so! - And neither did
the pucks! |
These days everybody's singing the same tune...
 
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Click Here to learn how you can
Adopt a Hockey Puck!
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